Get In the Mood For Fall With Pumpkin Spice Toilet Time Wipes... Wait, What?

The fall season is on the way, which heralds the arrival of pumpkin spice EVERYTHING. Lattes, candles, butt wipes, cooki-wait what was that last one again? Yes, pumpkin spice-scented wipes are here thanks to the man-centric personal care company Dude Wipes. And here’s the best part: they’re called DUMPkin Spice! Try and top that, Starbucks!

A post shared by @dudewipes

Dude Wipes gained mainstream notoriety in 2015 when the founders appeared on Shark Tank (note: I’ve been advised by my editor not to make a hilarious pun here with a word that sounds like “shark”). They ended up getting an investment from Mark Cuban worth $300,000 for a 25% stake in their company. This deal would pay dividends for the company as they gained countless sponsorships and even a distribution deal with Walmart. But I assume that DUMPkin Spice wipes were always the endgame. The company even joked about selling them a few years ago, but was that just them testing the toilet waters?

It seems that the novelty butt papers don’t go on sale officially until September 5th, however, you’re able to place orders on their website right now. Dude Wipes claims that with this new addition to their product line you can, “keep your butt cozy with a mix of clove, nutmeg, and other fall scents.” Yep, those are all things that should definitely go near your keister.

It sounds like a joke product, and let’s face it, it kind of is. But if the reviews are anything to go on, Dude Wipes knows what they’re doing when it comes to self-care for the derriere. The pumpkin spice wipes could prove to be a fun but effective stocking stuffer for the holiday season. It’s safe to say that DUMPkin Spice wipes are the stupidest, most ridiculous thing that I absolutely plan to spend hundreds of dollars on.

Football fans are gearing up for the upcoming NFL season. Some fans are so passionate that their enthusiasm borders on religious fervor. And yes, they pray for their team. Beyond their prayers, they also have some superstitions. You know the types: they go barechested in zero degree weather and paint themselves in their favorite team’s colors. Their mood for the week depends on if their team won or lost. There are fans and then there devout believers. Those are the ones who get a bit too superstitious.

You know that person who stays in the same spot throughout an entire game, and when their team gives up possession they change positions? That’s who we’re talking about. So, when things are going well, they’re practically immobile. They won’t step away for food or even use the bathroom. Why? Because they can’t risk “messing up the flow.” On the other hand, if things are not going as planned, they might wander around the living room persistently in search of a lucky seat where good things could potentially happen. Of course, for some fans, their ritualistic and superstitious behaviors might just be traditions, regardless of whether their team comes out on top or experiences a loss.

From wearing a specific jersey to eating a particular snack, these rituals are believed to bring luck and influence the game. For instance, some fans might have a lucky pre-game routine, like wearing mismatched socks or doing a little victory dance before kickoff. Even food choices play a role, with some fans only eating certain foods while watching the game, like nachos or chicken wings, believing that deviating from this menu might lead to bad luck. It’s these quirky and often amusing superstitions that add an extra layer of excitement to the football fan experience.

Take a look at a few of these superstition-filled traditions that football fans have been sharing on Reddit.

For some fans, the belief in “jersey power” is real, relying on their chosen jersey to bring their team to victory. A Reddit user revealed, “I change jerseys every game. Never wear the same one twice in a row.” They mentioned that during one season, the Jaguars secured a 3-1 record when following this practice, but experienced a 0-12 record when they didn’t.

Some fans unquestionably take their rituals to the extreme. During Vince Young’s playing days, a Redditor mentioned that they used to perform a rather unconventional practice of burning a photo of the player. They would attach a picture of his face to a Barbie doll and place it on the grill as part of their ritual.

This particular approach might come across as a bit harsh, yet it seems to show results for this person. Apparently, ignoring their wife and kid during the game is their strategy. “I know it’s weird and the results haven’t been great, but I’m not going to risk it,” they wrote. Priorities, dude!

Some say that dissecting your superstitions like a science can work wonders. A Reddit user shared their approach, saying that if, for some reason, they tune into the game late and the Ravens are in the lead, they turn the game off. “Watching will only swing the game in the opposite direction. It’s like the Heisenberg Principle of quantum football mechanics. Intense observation will only change the outcome,” they humorously explained. That’s dedication!

Digital transformation concept. Binary code. Programming. Quantum computer.

Having a lucky seat or a designated sweet spot to park yourself during every football game is a ritual many fans swear by. According to one person, during game days, they make a point to occupy the exact same barstool. They mentioned, “Everyone has assigned seats at the bar.”

Some hardcore football fans throw hygiene to the wind. A Reddit user opened up about their peculiar belief. If they don’t shower right before the game, they’re convinced the Eagles will end up on the losing side. They added, “Sometimes if we had a crappy first half, I’ll take another shower, for a fresh start.”

Luck can take some interesting forms, like the practice of counting things a specific number of times. A person mentioned that on game days, they apply three strokes of deodorant per armpit in support of Russell Wilson. Some people are all about the idea that stuff tends to go down in threes.